everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
