I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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