I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
