it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
