You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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