apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
