I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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