Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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