We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
