chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
