There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Farmville is her only friend.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
