Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
