i just google imaged poop.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
