Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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