Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I cut my penus on the lid.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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