So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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