Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
meet me or not, i'm out of control
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
