I wish you could order shots online.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
