okay pat passed out under dana's car
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
