Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
