somebody snuck up and got me drunk
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We are all done wearing pants today
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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