every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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