everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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