why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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