my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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