he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
