...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
