this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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