just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My vagina just recognized that song.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
