Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
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