the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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