Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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