how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
