Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
