It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
