I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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