New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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