Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
