Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
