Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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