I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she told me i tasted like america
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Randomize
