Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
