Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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