Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
