he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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