I heard we made out
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
