This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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