My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We are all done wearing pants today
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
