Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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