My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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